THE DIFFERENCE

i wake the three little girls in the morning, because they could already sleep in like teenagers, seeing crooked smiles and the best of bed head. they stumble down the stairs, as the first steps in the morning resemble a drunkard's walk (am i right?) and make their way to the kitchen table. the first few rays of thursday's sun have made their way to this morning.. the girls always insist on waffles "with dip", and because i just happen to love them too, i cave every single time.
i wipe the sticky syrup from their tiny fingers and they proceed into the day..without pants of course. i wrangle them together, with hopes to accomplish dressing and brushing hair.
their incessant giggles over the missing shoe inevitably produces a smile on my face and i remind myself, "don't take things so seriously" because who cares if we're late for day school?
i buckle the littlest in the van and we drive down 98, wading through the mass of school traffic that floods the roads.
as i take one-too-many looks in the mirror, i catch HC's eyes - completely happy and lost in the lyrics of the Frozen soundtrack, because she and her sisters know every song already.

my mind starts to spin like the van's wheels.

this is my desire i think to myself; to do just this with my life: be the best wife i can be and a mom too. i approach the drop-off line when i realize i've been painting pictures in my head the entire way there. and that's my problem. i've mastered the art of justifying any thing and everything to suit my wants. "another cup of coffee even though i've had 3 today? why yes because i think i read that coffee boosts metabolism and..."

there's a fine line between cherishing desires and worshiping idols. 

that's the difference, and because of my constant justifying there's constant confessing. i tell myself every hour these truths:

"God is most glorified in [me] when [i] am most satisfied in Him." John Piper

"For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Pslam 107:9

"The only One who can truly satisfy the human heart is the One who made it."

so, i snap my mind out of it's dreamy estate as i drop the girls at school, and cling to these truths. "take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4) is my comfort. will God not fulfill my deep longing to be a wife and mom if He remains first and foremost where i am now?

keep your eyes on Christ, perrin, i whisper over and over again.